Choice, Hardships and the Universe

I haven't been on here in a long time. I am still struggling to finish school and being broke. The following are what I have learned so far:

I am not wanted. I was conceived in a traumatic, non-loving way, you can guess and are probably right as to how. Living under the roof with people that have not emotionally attached to you, nor you to them, is very difficult. Sometimes you walk into the room and the chatting completely becomes silent. Sometimes tension fills the air at other times it is like you are invisible. Although that is how I grew up and one would think I should be used to it, it still hurts. Thus this past year it finally hit me and I am coming to terms that as a person that represents something ugly, one is not wanted. This negativity has crept into my school work. I wasn't able to concentrate and I started to suffer from test anxiety. I would get an exam and only see a blank page. As much as I would blink, move the paper, close my eyes for a couple of minutes, all I would see was a blank paper. My Dr. prescribed medication to take before the exam and it helped, but it would affect me in time management and feeling groggy in the middle of the exam. 

My sister once told me that when one does not want the pregnancy that the child grows up struggling all throughout their life. It made sense to me, because that is what happens to me. I try hard and I will get past the hardships and in the end everything works out, but the difficulty to get there becomes overwhelming at times. Currently, because I chose to attend a private university, I am in limbo, because of financial aid. I couldn't afford the tuition and I am waiting for an acceptance letter from a state university. I have now missed two semesters. I am suffering from anxiety and depression. Sometimes I am fine, at other times, like now, I am down in the dumps. As much as I am aware that in the end everything works out, I struggle emotionally to pick myself up. I am grateful that I have three special people in my life that listen to me, give me advice and remind me that it will all work out.

This brings me to another thing I have learned. The Universe has a way of reminding you and helping you through your struggles by bringing important people, people that you can count on, into your life. These are the same people that will always be there to help in times of need. These are the people that count and should be cherished and appreciated. Sometimes those that are biologically related can give ill informed advice. I have been told to switch majors and quit school altogether, but those that count in my life have stood firm in helping me believe in myself and told me not to quit. That push in this struggle is a tremendous amount of help. I can't emphasize that enough. One of my majors is philosophy and this is a quote from Aristotle:

Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives - choice, not chance, determines your destiny.

I have made a choice to continue in this struggle. I have made a choice to wait for the acceptance letter and once I know that I am accepted I will continue my original choice of finishing what I started and that is obtaining my degree. Besides, I have all of my prerequisites and two years under my belt.